So yes, everyday I feel I change many times during the day...to the point of not knowing anymore who I am when I go to bed. 

At 6 am it feels like someone ripped out my intestines and that I am the next victim in a terrible horror movie that is so pathetic nobody willl ever go to see it at the cinema

Around 8am - after dressing/undressing 2 kids in what feels like 1001 layers of clothes - and finally arriving to work, I feel like I have been up for hours (which I have) 

At 11am I really hate the catering lady that delivers our lunch because I feel it is her fault that time goes so slow and that I am starving to the point of contemplating eating one of my colleagues

At 3pm the chocolate craving hits me so hard that I can only focus in two word sentences - and by that time I start thinking ahead of what we will have for dinner and about all the logistics needed for my actual job (mother of two) that my part-time job (my actual real job, where I spend 75% of my waking hours) seems like a snake that is growing inside my brain

normally, hours 5-7 pm happen in such a blur that it is impossible for me to recount anything that happens during that timeframe 

At 7:30 pm, if I havent fallen asleep while putting the kids to sleep, I either have a running kid running out the room several times until he eventually gives up to the person that usest the scariest dragon voice or I look forward to spending a few lovely hours in front of the computer, either for work or waisting my life on a totally uninsteresting social network. Occasionally I watch a movie with the hubby, who probably falls asleep because he does 3 times as many things as I do on the home front. 

if Im not asleep at 10pm I curse myself for not being asleep, as that would clearly be the wisest move ..but by that time I've lost track of who I am so many times during the day that one thing is for sure, Im not as wise as I thought. My last thought before I surrender to the calming darkness:  The older I get, the more I realise how little I know. 

But hey, its all good because its only monday and there are only 4 days to go to the weekend (really?), and its only a phase, and I love my kids, and I like my job and Im thankful for where I've got and who I met on the way and for the people that share my life... because sometimes its just nice to know who you are - even if you are the nagging negative elf of the house  
Really? Yes really !

When my designer friends talk about an idea they have had for a long time, and it is suddenly used by someone else, I normally don't get how deeply upsetting that is and am not really able to relate. But now, after reading the most read article ever in the Atlantic this summer by Anne-Marie Slaughter, I know how it feels.

Anne-Marie Slaughter had a senior position in the American administraton and was director of policy in the US State Department under Hillary Clinton. She finally said what thousands of women were thinking: As a woman, you can't have it all (because society is not ready for it). And she opened a can of worms. 

Not that I was convinced I was the only one that though that women are still a long way from having it all, but it was somehow so strange to read something so close to my heart and feel that I could have written that article myself.  In a way, it was good to have confirmation I am on to something, by a woman who is older and more experienced than I am. Someone brave enough to admit things that so few women dare to. Slaughter left her high-profile job to be home for her family and teenage boy who needed her more. She found it hard to balance the two (and god knows she tried) and decided to write an article about her decision- and many chose to spin it as proof that women should be at home, or even worse, that women cannot take the same responsibilities as men - or even labelling Slaughter as someone working against the empowerment of women. Oh how wrong they are. What Slaughter says, is that society is not wired correctly.

And here is what I keep thinking about and talking about, with my friends and anyone really who wants to listen: there is something fundamentally wrong with the way we measure success in our world today. Therefore, alot of women give up on their way up the success ladder because you cannot have it all. And when you have to choose, lets hope most will choose family. 

(by the way, why do you always have to keep apologising to everyone for being a feminist and wanting to talk about it all the time? It does occupy our whole world and should be discussed)

Success is measured on a scale that is not appropriate anymore, something that suited white, middle-aged men who had no interest in being included in their families (for diverse reasons) and it is time we ackowledge that being successful is NOT alot of things. 

It is not having tons of money and breathing only to work. It is not making backstage deals during football matches or on the golf course. It is not having people under you that fear you will fire them because you have the power to do so. It is not being part of the boys club, even if you are a woman, which probably means you had to adapt to the way these boys live and play to get there, and as the sole woman, you should consider yourself lucky because you got so "far" and people make sure you are often reminded of that fact.

It is time success became something that is attainable to all. In my eyes, being successful is being able to balance your life and career and being able to admit that you are more than your work, so much more. By being successful, you are allowed to be who your are, and you can influence others to do the same. 

I actually am optimistic about our future and believe my generation is different - With its selfishness, (we need time to meet our friends, go to the gym, have activities, see our kids grow up etc.), we might have found the key to that perfect balance working mothers have been trying to reach for so long. And it will only be possible because working fathers also want to reach the same goal. Not only parents, but also individuals, that have gotten used to so much free time, will not be ready to sacrifice all their time to work on a job they cannot count on in hard times. Does it make sense to sacrifice some of your best years for a company that might not even exist in 10 years? Good question. Of course, noone is saying we should stop working altogether, but yes, we should work less and we should still be able to become successful within our field, and influential decision makers, even if we leave early sometimes, turn off our phone occasionally and even the email function during the weekend ("OH lord! GOD forbid"). What makes this a little bit more difficult is all the modern technology today that makes us even more available for work than it did 30 years ago. Still, I am hopeful. Technology also means more flexibility, and once we have agreed on measuring input after outcome (and not on how many hours you "sit at the office", talk on the phone or drink with the right people), I believe we will be alot closer to a measurement tool that will set men and women on equal footing. 

And I believe the key to success, in this area as in others, is that men and women acknowledge there is something that is not working for most of us right now. Not for the modern men, and definately not for women.

Hypnotic, isn't it?

Danish couple P.S and Marie Krøyer, famous painters and husband and wife that lived in the beautiful area of Skagen in Denmark in the late eighteen hundreds. 

I stumbled across this picture last week, during one of those mornings where I was at work but somehow could not get my head around answering emails and writing contracts or film scripts. So I went down to the little coffee shop, one of those you find on Copenhagen street corners that are perfectly furnished with nordic design, where the hipsters come and get their coffee to go and suits perfectly for introverts that need peace and quiet and perhaps a little cup of warm happiness. I ordered a capuccino (I rarely drink coffee, so I love the caffeine kick that makes life seem so dreamy and ecstatic) and read a random Danish newspaper article. Something that had nothing to do with work, nothing to do with the financial crisis or voes in faraway countries. I needed something to lift the spirit. And so I found an article about "Marie Krøyer", a new film coming out by acclaimed film director Bille August.

Marie Krøyer was married to the great, Danish painter P.S. Krøyer. According to the film's description, Marie was torn between her roles as a mother, wife and artist, as she was not able to express herself through her art, instead becoming the muse for her husband's best work. He loved painting her taking a stroll on the beach, reading in their garden and even painted her with her lover, who he had invited to stay with the couple in Skagen. P.S. was suffering from mental illness and ultimately became blind before dying at 58. At the peak of their marriage, marked by their high living standards and bourgoisie, and when P.S mental illlness got worse, Marie fell in love with a swedish composer. 

The paintings left from their time together, seemingly portraying a peaceful and happy family life in high society, makes the whole thing eery as we now know it was anything but. It actually turned out to be quite painful and destructive behind the beautiful scenery. A good reminder that all is not what it always seems. I have since become totally taken by Krøyers paintings (he) but would love to see some work by the other Krøyer (she). 

What a contemporary dilemma still, this being torn between roles and expectations. 
And now I want to visit Skagen!

Typical day at the family home: Mr.F is jumping around and screaming "I have to pee, I have to pee". I say, in Icelandic, "Drífðu þig og pissaðu inn á baði" (Hurry up and go to the bathroom") Little did I know, and what a drama when I told him off for peeing in the bathtub.

"BUT YOU TOLD ME TO PEE IN THE BATH!"

That's what you get for speaking 4 languages at home...

I have been busy at work. There seems to be moments where the universe thinks it's time for a new communication solution. We always seem to get several projects exactly at the same time while its completely dead in between and sometimes you have to be really creative and make your own projects. One of my challenges is that some projects are confidential, seeing that we are working on corporate strategies, often not revealed to the employees themselves and therefore dealing with sensitive information. This is torture for someone like me, who loves to share stories, is active on Facebook and blogs about her work! But thankfully I manage quite well :) and understand the reasons behind this limitation.