Miss Kolka

What is it with authority? I don't like it. I don't like when its forced upon me (which does happen but then I have a really bad reaction - I get all red and yell at people) and I don't like to use it on people. Why cant we just all get along? (hehehe.. or let me rephrase that: Why can't just everybody think just like me and go in my direction ALL the time?) Just kidding. I know I'm wrong sometimes, and then I'll admit it of course. - Which is alot more than many people in the tv business allow themselves to do. I think this has also alot to do with wanting to have everything perfect - which I've come to find impossible (no really?!!!) I try to do the things the best I can and I hate it when others just don't care about their own job ...and then if you criticise them they just find some laim excuse and blame someone else.

Ok It can be helpful sometimes to put the blame on others when you don't want to look stupid: Hi, yes I know I'm late but really it's all my friend's fault - but at work - everyone is responsible for their own work.

God, why am I rambling on like this? Probably because I have a job in which you have to look authorative (hmm) and most of the time, when things go the way you want it's not a problem. But when they don't you have to raise your voice and tell people off. That happened today. I had to tell someone off. (ok it's not the first time of course). But still.. how to keep a straight face when you like the person and its so obvious! That person is never going to take anything you say serisously. Or when you're friends?

Ok, now I get it - THAT'S WHY you are not supposed to get involved with people at work

not that I am... I just like people, but not in that way ;)

ahh.. Who am I kidding.. I'm never going to be THAT professional.

et je n'es pas sommeil.

A quote from a famous french song. A beautiful one on parisian life at night. A song I used to listen sometimes on my bike on my way to work at 4 in the morning last summer. I preferred though the other one by the same artist about how 95% of women are bored during lovemaking. That is truly a masterpiece. Unfortunately the little thing I like to call my Ipod decided all by itself - unhelped and completely independently to jump out of my pocket and on to the tramway rails (don't ask what I was doing running along the railway tracks). Anyway.. no more music for this little helper... Bommer
Guess I'll HAVE to go to NYC to buy a new one.. poor me.

And it is 5 a.m. again - A new day beginning and I should go to sleep. But I wont. came home from work at 4 - had to do a little overtime, which wasn't that annyoing since I met good old friend Benoit and other chaps that started the night shift. Some people that might be doing something else than just drinking coffee to stay awake by the way. Oh yes..Very suspicious yes.. think I have discovered someone's dirty little secret - White powder is not just used to bake cookies you know... Some evil evil persons use it to powder their noses. Anyway.. it's none of my business...and definately none of yours!

Since mrs fashion-victim is sleeping I think I might just follow her lead (she must be dreaming about helicopters and loud fans hearing the sound of my #%&?$ computer fan through her sleep) How great it is to have someone in the house...someone that understands every word you say - and doesn't need explanations for anything, just someone to talk to- that is what they call " a best friend". Note to self. Must get more of these.. they can come in handy.. especially when crisis hits you and help is needed for beating sense into your little lost head.

Mind you, since I stopped doing nightshifts and am sleeping at decent hours, I have the impression I found my sanity again. What a lovely feeling. Life isn't that bad..Actually its pretty damn awesome.

I am a quitter.

Yes I think I have established that. I start
things and then I give up. Can't be bothered really ("Do I look like
I'm bothered?")



I remember when I was a teenager and I joined the chess team - that
didn't last for long. Perhaps I joined the team for the wrong reasons
as well at the time. I was sick of girls and it was the only off-hours
hobby the school offered where I was sure not to meet any.There were
only boys.. and they were nice, I did learn a few moves (in chess that
is) but I soon got bored. So I quit.

I gave up dancing classes, swimming (didn't have the endurance) and ended up giving up my violin as well.

Maybe
I have lasted a bit longer in certain jobs.. although..Im not sure. And
I did finish my studies - so I guess its not a concentration disorder.
But do I look like I'm bothered?

It's maybe the same in my personal relationships... and of course on this blog.

Perhaps I should prove my self wrong for once

*** Happy Christmas and a very joyous new year ***

When the dog bites, when the bee stings.. when I'm feeling sad. I
think about a few of my favourite things and then I dont feel so bad.

Cosmopolitans without a straw

satin bows

Sand between my fingers

music with violins

cherrytree flowers

the tinkling Eiffel tower

a beautiful watch on a man's wrist

beeing picked-up at the airport

the smell of chimneys

Dancing creatures

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