Miss Kolka

Funny how when you have less time you find the time to do more things. Its probably because of greater organisational skills that are delivered to you at the maternity ward by the mystery elf of parenthood.

I also feel that many of the things I do are more meaningful now then before. Like investing in friendship and taking care of someone else than myself. I have energy to (at least think about) doing a Paris guide for Pan and I from all the restaurants business cards I have collected during my 4 years here. And its about time, before I forget about them and all the wonderful things to do here,and before we leave the city of love... (and go the city of happiness -aha to be continued...) So I seem to be gathering back my thoughts of wanting to do things after a few months of hibernation. Its another matter if I WILL actually do them but the mind will carry you a long way.

However you also have to allow yourself some meaningless times, like watching TV (although you can actually learn alot). What is great in this day and age is that you can really tailorsuite your programs and watch what you want when you want. It doesn't mean you watch less crap necessarily but at least you chose your crappy program yourself. And being such an organised person, I've started to watch "best-of"s of certain programs to win time. Then I ditch the blabla and only see the highlights (That's why I like The Grand journal's Zapping of the last 24 hours on Canal+. anything worth noticing on french TV will appear there). I've gone down to watch the "best of" of the Grand Journal itself, mainly to avoid ackward moments of translation with international superstars that are always talked to in french (ridiculous) and to spear me the lectures of the old guy who thinks he is so political and smart and ends up saying the same thing again and again.

So (finally Im getting to the point - I might be more organised but wow it still takes me a long time to finish a story!) the other day Canal+ "best of" of the weekend included the French Oscars "Les Cesars". There were a few non french guest celebrities in the crowd, Sean Penn, Dustin Hoffman and Emma Thompson. During one of the acceptance speeches, a french actress had a "little" wardrobe malfunction and when I say a little - I mean her breast was completely out of her dress and thats all the hundreds of people could focus on while the poor woman made her speech. (and probably the thousands watching at home) People were laughing and feeling akward but noone even gave her the slightest hint anything was wrong - until Emma Thompson - being such a perfect lady - ran up on the stage, turned the woman around, pulled up her dress and went back to her seat again. This image has stuck with me.

And maybe its because of my hormone-filled body (wonder how long I will be able to use that excuse?), or because I dont sleep 10 hours a night but Emma's consideration really moved me. Then I realise why. If it would not have been for her, the poor woman would have been there until the end of her speech humiliated without even realising it until so much later- and I have to say that the total non-reaction to help her does reflect how I see the french society as a whole. What happened to this great country that once cared so much about human rights and equality? Where women are now seen as less as men, children are in the way,  where group efforts and even individual iniciative are rare and where your pay check is all that matters? My vision might seem unfair - but this is not a world I want my son to grow up in. And that's why we have decided to leave... perhaps so we can appreciated France and all the wonderful things it does have to offer - but this time from a distance.

I have nothing to blog about. My mind is empty. I've been trying to find something interesting to say but I feel the only things Im qualified to talk about are how much milk I should mix, when a dirty diaper needs changing and how difficult it can be to go around this big city with a stroller. Also how the anti-family sentiment can be felt (saw this bus driver drive away while a woman was trying to get her and her child into the bus) and how everything seems so complicated - especially when you want to get a baby passport. How can such a tiny little creature change everything so much?

Perhaps Im so empty due to the lack of sleep? Or is it a biological change of some kind you can't fight against?

What ever it is, Im way too exhausted when I lie down in bed at night to read "Karítas", an exciting icelandic novel or "Memoirs" by Catherine Clement. However I seem to be able to  find the time to read "The no-cry sleep solution" quite easily.

Oh, how wonderfully the motherbrain works.

I remember how I loved writing in friend's diaries when I was younger. Not their personal diaries (that would be even MORE egocentric) but those books that you passed around to all your friends and where they wrote something about themselves (called "minnigabækur" in icelandic). you had special categories such as "I hate" "I love" "favourite food" "I want to become" exc.

Where are they now?  I must have kept at least one.. It would be fun to hunt my friends down (what place better than Facebook?) with facts about their teenage lives, a period where you can always find something to be ashamed of. hehe. Good thing (for them) I can't get to my mum's basement just yet...

in memoriam and because I have nothing better to do - here are 15 facts about me in the spirit of the friend book and I'll pass the 15 questions on to 2 other bloggers, my cousin Perla and young poet Kamilla

1. I love...listening to the waves at the beach

2. I hate...how stressful public transports can be

3. Favourite movie...good Animation movies such as Wall-E and the Lion King

4. favourite tv show...The mentalist, SVU, X-files, Friends

5. Favourite book...the Stieg Larsen millenium trilogie and any Fred Vargas book

6. Music I like...Emilíana Torrini, Karlakórar, Beirut, Vivaldi

7. Favourite food and drinks...lemon chicken and Sancerre white whine

8. I find amazing that...women still are not more prominant in executive positions

9. I think regularly about... how lucky I am

10. I have always wanted to...make myself useful and make a difference

11. A special place...Landmannalaugar and Bretagne

12. Websites I visit daily...mbl.is, perezhilton.com, liberation.fr and Facebook

13. It's easy for me to ...mingle

14. It's hard for me to...find the perfect balance

15. I would like to meet...Hillary Clinton and Vigdís Finnbogsdóttir

Im often asked if I miss my tummy - mostly by other pregnant women. And I have to admit it was something I had thought about myself. But no - although you become one with your pregnant identity, losing the stomach is strangely comforting and quite a relief. Actually the baby takes over pretty much everything and what I do miss is time. I never seem to have any time anymore. Time to do all the things Im supposed to do, or when I decide to do them there is a diaper to change, a bottle to give or simply attention to be given to the little one. Sometime it is way pass tea time when I realise I was going to take a shower that day - that will simply have to wait. Well I'm told this is how it is in the beginning. And its ok. Its amazing how you adapt to different situations and frankly, one little weird baby face or sound makes it all worth it.

And the little time you have left - you should use it to take a nap, not spend it on blogging something noone will read anyway. And so I will.

So this has been a hectic week...

Gave birth to a baby, got back to work 5 days later, had a few meetings and have never looked better in my stilletos.
No - not really, Im not Rachida Dati (France's Justice minister) and I am SO not back to work.

When I heard about and saw on the news Dati's return to the political scene only 5 DAYS after giving birth to a baby girl by caesarean,I must say I wasn't just shocked, I was horrified. There she was, little miss sexy in her dark suit and high heels, smiling to the cameras, showing that she surely did not need to bond with her baby or spend some time with it. Her job was more important. A personal choice some might say. I think it's more like a reflexion of how motherhood is seen in France and where women stand in the french workplace. The discussion following this highly mediatized and sometimes praised return proves it.

Having had my own baby the day before, and stayed at the hospital 5 days I can very well put my self into her shoes. I have always worked my arse of and be dedicated to most of the jobs I've done. Before being pregnant I practically lived for France 24 and gave it all I got. But in my mind - I always knew how important family and children were to me and that I was ready to make sacrifices when the time came - mind you perhaps a bit earlier than planned but I was still ready for it.
Having had spent one half hour away from my own little Mr. F since his birth, I know that I never would have been able to do what missus Dati did. Call it cowerdness if you like, I call it responsability. If you decide to have a child, its not like buying a new bike, it takes time and effort (believe me I know) to feed it, show it the love it deserves, taking care of all its little needs and just be there for the first hard days in its existence. Its not easy to be trown into the daylight after having spent 9 months in the safest place there is. A babysitter can not substitute for motherly (or be it fatherly) warmth.

Im also horrified because it actually confirms what I have been observing in my work environment and the French society as a whole for the last 3 years. Women and men are not equals. Women seem to have to prove themselves all the time, seduce men even and the market is not made for a balance between family life and career. This case proves it once more. What kind of example is it to French women (or employeurs) that a high profile minister doesn't feel comfortable to take her own maternity leave?(which has to be said is no god's gift in France, only 8 weeks for women and 14 days for men! Compared to the 6- 12 months in scandinavia) That she is ready to sacrifice the first few crucial days with her child to seduce the media and prove to her chauvanistic boss that she is one of the "gang" and she doesn't need special treatment, is that in some way bravery? I dont think so, I just think its sad, but then again I only judge from my perspective.

A mother and a minister? I dont think so. A minister perhaps, but the act of giving birth to a child does not make you necessarily a mother.

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