Cultural differences: Breastfeeding vs. Bottles

"Yes, its tough isn't it? Yours is not taking the breast either? ok. But that's fine you know, they make so good formula these days"... etc etc. 

I think this is one topic I have exhausted during the last 2 years. Still, I dont get tired talking about it, hence this blog entry (which is also to prove that MY blog isn't dead).

To make a long story short, Mr. F had some reflux problems but also never had a proper sucking reflex so even though I tried breastfeeding him, after 6 weeks of pumping my milk and losing my mind we switched completely to the bottle. It was SO MUCH easier, I got over the birth faster, sexy papa Pete was happy to be involved, the little one got very fat and everyone was happy (not least the French nurses who could not understand why I tried so hard, giving the bottle is just so common in France). It made going out to restaurants, parcs and cafés alot easier as people did not mind me giving the bottle in any of those places. For a split second I thought about whether I was a good mother or not, but then I let it slide. He was a happy child and we were happy parents.

Fantastic Mr. fox arrived shortly thereafter, although born on the Scandinavian penisula. He was smaller than his brother and during the first days it was a little bit difficult to get him to breastfeed. But boy, did he like to suck! He got extra milk in the beginning (but in little cups so it would not affect his sucking reflex) and after 3 months of stressful, painful and long feeding periods he (and I) finally got the hang of it. Although being a second time mother, I was still nervous and not sure of myself when it came to breastfeeding. But I got alot of help and support from the medical establishment as well as at home.

And these two experiences have been completely and utterly different! I would not have believed it myself if someone would have told me. I guess its how nature intended it and breastfeeding has alot of benefits, especially for the child, but for the mother there are a few things to consider...

When you breastfeed, you are not the same person. You are tired, hungry and constantly thirsty and you think you are the only person on the world that can comfort your child (and that includes the baby daddy). It's not true. There is a term for the mother's mindset when she is breastfeeding and it is "fog". You thought you were forgetful during the pregnancy? Think again. Its worse when you actually have a live baby to take care of and those hormones do not make your job easier. Being in Scandinavia, you hear day in and day out that breastfeeding is what your child needs and I think that over 90 percent of Danish women breastfeed actually. It is a high number. In France I heard it was something close to 60 percent the first 2 weeks and then it went down to 15-10 percent after the 1st month. There is a huge difference.

For the record I am still breastfeeding fantastic Mr.Fox. But it is down to one feeding a day (typically the early morning one so no one has to get out of bed) and he is eating different food now being over 6 months old plus he finally accepted the bottle (that was not easy because we started too late). And it might be because the birth is 6 months away or it might be that we are sleeping better and longer but I feel like the fog has finally lifted. Not completely perhaps but almost. I felt so vulnerable those first 6 months, very insecure in how much my child was eating and constantly worrying if he was having enough to eat and if he was a bit fussy I always connected that to the cup of coffee I had earlier that day, the onions for dinner the night before, all those chocolate bars I was eating.. or whatever

So is it better to breastfeed or give the bottle? There is no right answer. It depends on so many things. Like what kind of milkpowder is avaible, how much the father wants to participate, how comfortable the mother is, whether the child is getting enough food through breastmilk, financial revenues, your beliefs or perhaps and very importantly, cultural differences. But this is by no means a complete list. Many children have gotten the bottle and are perfectly healthy (the most common reason given for breastfeeding is that the child gets important antibodies in the mothermilk), Fantastic Mr. Fox has already been sick many times but he also has a big brother that picks up all the germs and brings them home. And its not sure your child will sleep all night long if you give it a big bottle before it goes to sleep every night. So I guess its up to the parents and what they are comfortable with.

If we were to have another child (hopefully not in a near future) and I was asked if I wanted to breastfeed, Im not sure what I would answer. Perhaps it will come to me once the fog clears and the blue skies are apparent again.