When my designer friends talk about an idea they have had for a long time, and it is suddenly used by someone else, I normally don't get how deeply upsetting that is and am not really able to relate. But now, after reading the most read article ever in the Atlantic this summer by Anne-Marie Slaughter, I know how it feels.

Anne-Marie Slaughter had a senior position in the American administraton and was director of policy in the US State Department under Hillary Clinton. She finally said what thousands of women were thinking: As a woman, you can't have it all (because society is not ready for it). And she opened a can of worms. 

Not that I was convinced I was the only one that though that women are still a long way from having it all, but it was somehow so strange to read something so close to my heart and feel that I could have written that article myself.  In a way, it was good to have confirmation I am on to something, by a woman who is older and more experienced than I am. Someone brave enough to admit things that so few women dare to. Slaughter left her high-profile job to be home for her family and teenage boy who needed her more. She found it hard to balance the two (and god knows she tried) and decided to write an article about her decision- and many chose to spin it as proof that women should be at home, or even worse, that women cannot take the same responsibilities as men - or even labelling Slaughter as someone working against the empowerment of women. Oh how wrong they are. What Slaughter says, is that society is not wired correctly.

And here is what I keep thinking about and talking about, with my friends and anyone really who wants to listen: there is something fundamentally wrong with the way we measure success in our world today. Therefore, alot of women give up on their way up the success ladder because you cannot have it all. And when you have to choose, lets hope most will choose family. 

(by the way, why do you always have to keep apologising to everyone for being a feminist and wanting to talk about it all the time? It does occupy our whole world and should be discussed)

Success is measured on a scale that is not appropriate anymore, something that suited white, middle-aged men who had no interest in being included in their families (for diverse reasons) and it is time we ackowledge that being successful is NOT alot of things. 

It is not having tons of money and breathing only to work. It is not making backstage deals during football matches or on the golf course. It is not having people under you that fear you will fire them because you have the power to do so. It is not being part of the boys club, even if you are a woman, which probably means you had to adapt to the way these boys live and play to get there, and as the sole woman, you should consider yourself lucky because you got so "far" and people make sure you are often reminded of that fact.

It is time success became something that is attainable to all. In my eyes, being successful is being able to balance your life and career and being able to admit that you are more than your work, so much more. By being successful, you are allowed to be who your are, and you can influence others to do the same. 

I actually am optimistic about our future and believe my generation is different - With its selfishness, (we need time to meet our friends, go to the gym, have activities, see our kids grow up etc.), we might have found the key to that perfect balance working mothers have been trying to reach for so long. And it will only be possible because working fathers also want to reach the same goal. Not only parents, but also individuals, that have gotten used to so much free time, will not be ready to sacrifice all their time to work on a job they cannot count on in hard times. Does it make sense to sacrifice some of your best years for a company that might not even exist in 10 years? Good question. Of course, noone is saying we should stop working altogether, but yes, we should work less and we should still be able to become successful within our field, and influential decision makers, even if we leave early sometimes, turn off our phone occasionally and even the email function during the weekend ("OH lord! GOD forbid"). What makes this a little bit more difficult is all the modern technology today that makes us even more available for work than it did 30 years ago. Still, I am hopeful. Technology also means more flexibility, and once we have agreed on measuring input after outcome (and not on how many hours you "sit at the office", talk on the phone or drink with the right people), I believe we will be alot closer to a measurement tool that will set men and women on equal footing. 

And I believe the key to success, in this area as in others, is that men and women acknowledge there is something that is not working for most of us right now. Not for the modern men, and definately not for women.