Because I feel very thankful for what I have.

Maybe it is the hormones talking but I feel euphoric at times (mostly when Im lying down, sometimes I almost forget I have a 3 kilo baby in my belly!) and happy.

Could it be because of the new gadget my lovely hubby gave me last week- you might think he was annoyed me being too much on the internet all the time... but NOooo, on the contrary, he now makes sure I live (almost) a total virtual life through my brand new IPHONE!!! Hehe. I have to say, I would not have thought it was such a great tool, you can do alot of things with it (except maybe washing up and give birth ;)) but I am happy with checking out news, uploading pictures straight to Flickr, be notified when I get a new email in my inbox or messages on Facebook and so much more. And it just looks so cool! Oh without forgetting, finally I hear when the phone rings, which can be handy.

But I gather the main reason I feel so thankful is that I have alot to be thankful for (miss emotion is back).

I am very happy we moved to the city of the happy people, of course we miss Paris sometimes but you can love Paris, without living there (and I actually think it is a pre-requisite for loving it) and I am glad we have a fine situation. Of course I hope to find an interesting job come autumn and that I will finally manage to speak danish properly (about other things than faulty pregnancies, food or family). But that's another time's worry.

I am happy the hubby likes his job (but loves his family more), that he is such a fantastic dad and that our little son is so amazing. Of course any parent would say that about their first born and I would be lying to you if I said it's always so easy (but wait for it... this is probably nothing in comparison to what is to come!), his fever pitches every weekend should worry us, but they dont because no matter what, this little champ keeps smiling and laughing.

I also think a little rash or a night wakening every now and then needs to be put into perspective. My dear friends are battling leukemia in their 3 year old and are so wonderful to keep a blog about it, so friends and family can follow them and send their thoughts. They are truly amazing, have always been so strong and united no matter what goes on and are true heros. They have been my inspiration in family matters and upraising and I think that if they can go through such a hard time with a smile on their face, we would be wrong not to. We can be worried about our little unborn but other friends deal with harder news and might be facing their child coming into the world way too early so the only thing we can do is to be there for them and remind them (and ourselves) that worst-case scenarios do not always come true, in fact much more rarely than we think, people just talk about them more often than about the good and perfect times.

So that's why I wanted to say I am truly thankful - and although a perfect time would have maybe included a tiny bit of fresh air and little walks - we are pretty darn close. Now little baby brother needs to arrive as safe as possible and we will keep on reminding ourselves how lucky we are, even though the neighbours have a party until 6 a.m during the weekend, we can't go on vacation to the Seychelles this summer or I won't become America's next top model. (too much TV!)

Because in the big scheme of things, these things really do not matter.

It does not stop snowing - and it hasn't since christmas. Which is lovely, although the only way I have enjoyed is through my windows, I have not been outside for what seems like an eternity! (not like Mr. F who could not believe how cold this weird white substance was when playing with his papa in the snow).

Oh yes. 16 weeks later Im still here with my (not too) big pregnant belly. Who would have believed it?? Certainly not Morten - the royal doctor who says he cannot predict anything for me since this case has defied all odds. It has been a rollercoster ride from the day I entered the hospital and was told our baby might be born well ahead of time and possibly not survive. All those days lying in the bed, reading, knitting, watching tv to pass time and meeting all sorts of people in the hospital maternity ward. I even have a full baby blanket and some knitted clothes to show for it. Now we are nearing the end and thankfully its getting easier. I can even participate in the household at home, feed Mr. F, pretend we have a normal life and look forward to hectic days in the spring with two boys "running" around.

Its week 35 and in two weeks the cerclage will be taken out. Which could mean I could go into labour. Or not. Who knows? I dont plan anything anymore. In any case I wont go longer than 38 weeks due to the Cholestasis. Oh yes. the liver disease is back and the itching that goes with it. Doctors do not take any chances and apparently there is nothing to gain from keeping the baby in after 38 weeks if you have obstetric cholestasis. This very weird complication seems to be not very well understood. It is believed it might be genetic (but no one in my family had ever heard about it or got it) and it might also be linked to environmental factors (such as the seasonal changes, more women are diagnosed in the winter for example, and some think diet could also affect this liver abnormality). No one knows for sure.

So like I said to the midwife last week, I dont think I am made to have children...she laughed and replied "No certainly not". Somehow we made it work though :)

for more information on cholestasis see here

My first holidays in Denmark are over. I am pretty pleased that I could spend christmas at home and not at the hospital. After 9 weeks in hospital I was allowed to go home, but only by promissing to do nothing more there then I was already doing in room 24. So Although I am lying down all day and have to ask people (mainly the Hubby) to wait on me it is wonderful to spend time with Mr. F and Pan all day long. I have witnessed Mr. F's first steps and all his developments in the two weeks we could all spend at home over the holidays. Finally I could have longer conversations with Pan and in the privacy of our home (not with strangers listening in all the time) and although the first days were a bit tough for us to get re-acquainted as you will (it is crazy how you adapt to certain intsitutional routines such as fixed lunch hours)  this situation is so much better for everyone and we are very happy. Lets see how long this "quaranteen" lasts, little baby brother is supposed to come in 9 weeks from now - so hopefully I will be back on my feet by March (or even sooner)

So i'm back "home", home in Frederiksberg where I live with my little family. "Home" is always a tricky word for me, as we say "heima" in icelandic and it has a much broader meaning for Icelanders. The stewardesses on flights for example will say "welcome home" in Icelandic to a plane full of visiting Icelanders-living-abroad and you can live in the US for a decade but still call Iceland "home". But why would I? Being born in France and spent many years living there (although I mostly grew up in Reykjavík) I could just as well call Brittany "home". However, when I lived 3 years in Cambridge I dont remember calling it home - perhaps because I always knew I would not stay much longer there than required by my studies. Now I live in Copehagen and I intend to be here for a while. For the first time in 8 years I feel I have a "cozy home" where all my things are (still have to get some books in storage from my mother) and I feel its the right place to be in. Even though it doesnt mean we will stay in this appartment the next 10 years - it already feels a bit small with one kid and all his toys- Copenhagen should be home for some time.

which means we will probably celebrate christmas here more often than not. Maybe not every year, thats what it means to be a multinational family, but I liked the traditional feel to it. The Ris-a-la-mande (delicious rice pudding), duck and karamalised potatoes, singing christmas songs, the Queen's speech on new years eve, the champagne and marzipan cake at midnight and all the crazy fireworks ringing in the new year. I thought we were crazy in Iceland, who thougt that the Danes could go bonkers like that!? So Thanks to my family and lovely in-laws for making these christmas wonderful, with hopefully many more to come, but possibly the only ones I will not have done anything and just lied like a princess on a pea - waiting for things to come and patting my belly.

So I see from discussions on the www (notably friends on facebook) that many are disturbed by the mass arrests of around 1000 people made by police on saturday in CPH (perhaps because of the strong images like this one on top circulating in the media of long "arrest-trains" of people sitting on the street).

Many protesters were quite upset they were not given food or water or allowed to go to the bathroom after 2 hours sitting on the street,  likening the ordeal to Guantanamo bay. (!!!) They were then put on buses to go to "detention camps"...all but 13 were released, at the latest, 12 hours later.  There were at least 30.000 that demonstrated peacefully on the streets of Copenhagen during the day in a organised march... a friend participating said the police had been exemplary towards protesters

(Copyright alex rocha)

Many people have a point and should be able to manifest their viewpoint - I just also think that police has to maintain law & order and with such a big event as the climate conference there are probably some errors made. And (some) protestors do not help themselves by attacking police forces, I thought that under the circumstances they were pretty cool, and not as violent as you might have expected.

When you hear of "training camps" to learn to combat police that took place weeks before the protests, some by professional activists you can also question if all arrested were innocent... and if not -  For my part, if I was demonstrating I would try to keep away from those who clearly intend to provoke law inforcement, because at some point police will have to react- or they will be criticised for non-action.

Its a tough call, and a fine line, where do pre-emptive arrests fit in for example? It is much more problematic to raid a bunk where activists are getting ready for protests days before the actual protests than to arrests a few "innocent bystanders" along with those that have a clear will for vandalism.

Then there are those that wear bear costumes... cuties!!

When you lie in hospital for more than 6 weeks and you are a total sucker for hospital tv series such as ER or Grey's Anatomy, you almost start making your own hospital drama, listening in on what's going on with your neighbours, asking questions, following the staff's routines and just become over all curious about everything because you have so much time. I would'nt call it my "journalistic elements" because frankly I've never been convinced of my own wish to belong to that club. But I have a thirst for knowledge. Even if some might called it plain old fashioned nosyness. 

So 6 weeks, 2 rooms, 8 roommates and countless lovely midwives later I have learn so much about the female body, pregnancy, especially risky ones and newbornes that Im not sure a medical degree would have taught me more. Well ok, Im not an expert of course but sometimes it sure feels like it. Roommates can be as different as they are many: the smoker who went outside 4-5 times a day although the doctors kept telling her quitting was the best option for her too-small baby to grow stronger, the lovely danish positive one that had gone through one babyloss and one healthy baby before - she gave birth to a healthy little girl, 2 kilos in week 33 and was allowed to take her home only a week later, the sri lanka princess who's doctor husband didnt trust the establishement and always thought he knew better, the most-definately middle age lesbian expecting twins who rarely, if ever, said a word and now the algerian mother of 2,having an opinion on almost everything and sharing thoughts in a mixture of french, arabic and danish. I tend to understand most she says though, which for now is a good thing. 

So women lie here for multiple reasons, because they've started labour too early, because they have too much/too little amniotic fluid, because one of the twins is too small/too big or because their cervixes are faulty and they need a cerclage or have one like me. Most stay for a few weeks, some just overnight and others for long months. And for those staying longer, routine things like getting the food on time (rugbrød and always some pork assemble for lunch) becomes highly important. I was almost beside myself when the "cake-wagon" didn't come one evening, even a simple cake becomes heavenly in here - although cake baked by the hubby is always a 100 times tastier (lucky me - we have "date nights" where he comes with food, often homemade and we eat and lie together in my hospital bed).

Lying here it almost seems like pregnancy is anything but a routine thing...there are just so many things that can go wrong - chemical or hormonal unbalance, strange hand diseases, babies stopping to move, mothers almost bleeding out or worse. We can only be thankful to live in the western world where knowledge, equipment, right medicine and handpower are available. Sometimes I dont think people realise how much of a miracle it is to have children though and we take it too much at a face value. But that's just because I see the world through my eyes. Women today are supposed to handle everything all the time (the demand on men is getting stronger as well) but sometimes it is necessary to slow down and acknowledge we arent robots and that expecting mothers need to rest more - Is our life which already is full with work, family, friends, shopping, cleaning, hobbies worth stressing over? Isn't it just ok to take some periods of "Off time"?  Of course most pregnancies will work out perfectly fine, thank god but its not always the case. And If there is anything all these women have tought me is that they are scared. Very scared. They will do ANYTHING for their baby to be born healthy but in some cases it might even be too late.

Unlike the tv-series that have to remain sexy so people can watch all the gross medical stuff alongside it, there aren't many sexy stories here at the department of mother and child - mainly because most of the staff are women helping other women to give life and only two of the doctors are men, and although they are great men they are maybe not love-story material. The real love stories here are parents with their newborn children roaming the halls, happy and relieved their little angles have arrived safe and sound.